failure

Moderator: Margot

olga

failure

Post autor: olga »

all my life
I've tried to paint
just one picture
picture of him
always the same
absolutely perfect
it's still in me
unpainted
lila
Posty: 5414
Rejestracja: 2006-09-21, 18:03
Kontakt:

Post autor: lila »

can dream be a failure ?

Throughout* the most of my life
I feel that a preposition is missing here but I might be wrong

I have* always tried to paint
I think that this sounds better due to the time imperfection in the last two lines
jjockerr

Post autor: jjockerr »

"unpainted" is a failure i thing

[ Added: 2007-04-02, 08:32 ]
think :mrgreen:
Awatar użytkownika
yin
Posty: 133
Rejestracja: 2006-08-23, 21:58
Kontakt:

Post autor: yin »

all my life
I've tried to paint
just one picture
the picture of him
always the same
absolutely perfect
it's still in me
unpainted

u don't need'always' if u say 'all my life'
lila is right about the tense
'quite' cannot go with 'perfect' i think

anyway,a nice poem, olga
Awatar użytkownika
yin
Posty: 133
Rejestracja: 2006-08-23, 21:58
Kontakt:

Post autor: yin »

i agree with jjockerr
it's a failure to paint
olga

Post autor: olga »

lila, yin, thx.
dunno

Re: failure

Post autor: dunno »

olga pisze:all my life
I've tried to paint
just one picture
picture of him
always the same
absolutely perfect
it's still in me
unpainted
Upgrade your Photoshop and good luck!
ODPOWIEDZ

Kto jest online

Użytkownicy przeglądający to forum: Obecnie na forum nie ma żadnego zarejestrowanego użytkownika i 1 gość