im leaving

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quenterro
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im leaving

Post autor: quenterro »

Hey! Elodie, would You take this trip on the moon with me?

i was singing that in my mind after i've meet You. its about what i was feeling like. not much changed afetr all.

im leaving.

and not only You. all was like a trip on different planet. i was dreaming about bath and i tought, it will be my heaven. coz i saw it on the pictures, so beautyfull...
and i was dreaming about being in love, really in love, and i tought it would be my heaven. coz i saw other people in love, so happy...

and even if it was not so beautifull, in a sense. and i was not happy, in a sense. im happy for all.

i wonder what is more exiting about moving? i get so emotionally connected with places and people around me. at the other side, so pasionate about discovering myself again, in new circumstances, new landscape. its like mixing drugs and wondering witch of them gives you most of this trip.

for last half a year i was a little part of bath. and bath, with people, sidewalks, kitchens and.... You.... was a big part of me. so, then in one day im gone. free again! for this little, little while.. till ill become part of different sidewalks, different people and kitchens.

tell me, how can we not be lost? if we can say it all makes such a difference. it does. but we are all so much able to look at every simple things from all different perspectivs. and there is the one, from wich all looks soo much the same. same me around different people. same me in different kitchen and just me on a bit different sidewalks.

and those different sidewalks and people, being different, are still kind of the same.

i've met so many people in my life, a lot of good. but it was always something different about You.. You - being unfair, lazy, off, depressed and... the way you've been since i've meet You... You... have been alive. real. you have been true - that my own emotions dosn't fill up all the universe.

after what happends im asking myself sometimes. maybe i should hate You? becouse in fact i always tried to be a man of rules. but we are not mathematic. not logic. there is no recipy for us to be good, like it is for pate or cheesecake. and i just cant be a man of rules in terms of human relations. i dont know the rules.

so i went true hard time. with money to give back and reallity to face. reallity - this thing i just didnt wanted to be. wasnt strong enough to face. this something i tried to kill by building fake world around... with people impresed with me. and some of them sayng they love me.. those, telling me i can write, i should write.

all telling me that its not true, what i deeply feel:

im alone!

just like all the rest.



maybe most of them are just bether builders of fixed world around them. looks like some can really make it works. those are magicians... able to desappear, and still be - somehow.

[ Dodano: 2007-09-25, 04:24 ]
some of U knows how many mistakes i make in Polish so dont be suprised or anything. ignor as long as You can understand, please.

i learnt my english in the kitchen, so it sucks. but trying to express it, having so little words to use as i have using english, was a challenge.

my love to elodie, was for sell on this portal. bath was for sell. so im just selling the last chapter. goodbye latter of brokenheart jerk.

im fucked as fuck. despite trying to create an image of being succesfull. it makes me fell light as a feather, in a sense. to tell You all:

im not succesfull. im totally fucked!

bye
dean

Post autor: dean »

I saw you in my place and I've never seen a man being so easy to contact with... I met few such men in my life and I always wonder how they do that... I thought that it's a question of discovering other people, but now I know it's about discovering myself...

I think it would be perfect to look at the world through the eyes of other people... it's not possible, but it's worth to try... we're all the same, we'll finish in the same way... all of we want is the same... the difference of the circumstances... the difference of the sidewalks and landscapes... and I wouldn't say that the experiences are crucial...

I've told you... you should write... you won't be the second Jerofiejew probably... but that's not important... you are being read... you're alone and you'll always be... just like all the rest... the fixed worlds are everywhere... you will find them in the eyes of anyone... this way or another... we live in a fixed world...
lila
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Post autor: lila »

i feel that you think about yourself in this words as a part of some bigger thing- system ; kitchen or city, identyfinng yoursefl with this things,
its becouse some fear of the chaos ? and the idea of hateness to Elodie is maybe due to the fact that she opens the " Pandora's box" of yourself.. I think that the psyche of any person is like a well ; the point and the main problem is to accept it in yourself or not , its impossible to analyse your own brain becouse in this way you can come only to absurd conclusion , couse
Perpetuum mobile doesn't exist .
dean

Post autor: dean »

egsegesis
z tłumu
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Post autor: z tłumu »

and i give up forever to touch coz i know you can feel me somehow
you're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be...

and i don't want the world to see me
coz i don't think that they'd understand ...

reminding myself this song when reading ur letter ... xxx
I ♥️ gacek
Roksana K.

Post autor: Roksana K. »

Philosophical rubbish. But I will admit, that in my taste. Life.
z tłumu
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Post autor: z tłumu »

Roksana K. pisze:Philosophical rubbish
u mean the song or the novel ?
I ♥️ gacek
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